Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

The Mind Warp of Writing and Weather


My dog, Belle, coming in from the snow
Last week marked the first day of Spring—but try telling that to the foot of snow that fell here in Eastern Pennsylvania! Considering that I’m currently working on a novel that’s set in the sweltering heat of a Louisiana summer, it takes more than a little imagination to write a story set there while there’s a veritable blizzard going on just outside the window here. But it can be done, through sheer force of will, a couple of tricks, and lots of imagination.

The Fictive Dream

When reading, have you ever been so transported into a story that you’re a little startled when you come back out of it again? For just a brief second, you’re actually surprised to realize that the heroine isn’t real and right there with you, the setting doesn’t exist, and you’re not in peril or in trouble or in the midst of exchanging witty banter with someone. Instead, you’re simply…you, you’re probably in your bed, and you need to get on to sleep now or you’ll never wake up in the morning!

That trance-like state from which you’ve emerged is what’s called the “fictive dream,” and it’s a wonderful thing, for sure. It’s what makes reading so magical.

It’s also what makes writing so possible, because for an author to transport you to a whole other place, she first has to transport herself there—and then build it up, make it work, and pave the way for others to get there as well. 

I like this quote about achieving the fictive dream, from John Gardner in The Art of Fiction:

"This and nothing else is the desperately sought and tragically fragile writer's process: in his imagination, he sees made-up people doing things—sees them clearly—and in the act of wondering what they will do next he sees what they will do next, and all this he writes down in the best, most accurate words he can find..."


When It Works

Once you get the hang of it, achieving the fictive dream as a writer is usually not all that hard to do. It just takes a quiet and comfortable space, some deep breathing, and a little mind play. As Gardner says, “…when the dream flags [the author] can reread what he’s written and find the dream starting up again.”

That’s how it works for me. When I settle down to get started for the day, I’ll usually pause and reflect on my story and characters, then I’ll just back up a few pages and start reading, to get into the flow.

After that, I’m off again, far away in some distant land or time, somehow actually feeling that splintery wood under my bare feet, tasting that delicious bite of peach cobbler, or smelling that gently blowing grass in that meadow as I write. 



When It Doesn’t Work

Sometimes, however, it’s not that simple. For some reason, it occasionally takes a far greater effort just to get back in the flow. I wouldn’t exactly call it writer’s block, it’s more like a sensory deficit, where your mind is willing to churn along with the story, but your imagination for some reason refuses to join in.

This can happen thanks to a variety of issues, such as personal matters that are tugging at your mind, some sort of physical pain that keeps bringing you back to reality, or even just constant interruptions by the world around you. Sometimes it's as simple as a bad night’s sleep, which can wreak havoc with a writer’s ability to enter the fictive dream the next day.

For me personally, the biggest barrier I face is weather—or seasons, rather, as in when it’s summer in one world but winter in the other. This can be so confusing to my psyche, in fact, that I have to go to all sorts of lengths to overcome my actual situation and fully immerse in my imagination.

Here’s a short video I made last week when it was snowing, just to elaborate a bit on this phenomenon…







Sensing the Problem

As you can imagine, my solution to this issue involves tricking my senses. For example, if I’m writing about summer in the midst of winter, I may do one or all of the following…

• Put on some music that evokes the fictional location, such as steel drums and reggae for the Caribbean or Zydeco for Louisiana.

• Make myself a location-related snack—such as a pineapple-mango smoothie or some boiled peanuts and an RC cola—to nibble on as I work.


• Surround myself with photos of the location. 


Once I’ve done all of the above, I just try to relax and let my senses lead the way. I may go back a little further than usual with my reading, perhaps by a whole chapter or two, and then get started. Usually by the time I reach the end of the words I’ve written thus far, my fingers are ready to fly. I’m back in that magical place in my brain, the one where the real world goes away and I'm moving around in a reality all my own.

Hopefully, by achieving the writer's fictive dream on my end, I'm able to send you into the reader's fictive dream on your end. That's always the goal, anyway, to send you to  a place in your mind that actually feels more real than the world around you.

Happy reading!


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Deadline Disasters

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you’re familiar with my occasional ”deadline disasters,” i.e., the various household calamities that seem to befall me whenever I’m deep in the throes of a book deadline and in such a writing fog that I do stupid things with calamitous results. For example, one time I somehow accidentally washed an entire box of trash bags along with a load of laundry. What a pain!



Anyway, now that I’ve made it through yet another deadline, it’s time to add not just one but two more such incidents to the pantheon.  Both of the following happened just two weeks ago as the clock was ticking down and my brain was somewhere off in a fictional world rather than paying attention to the physical one.


The Soup Curse


Note to self: The next time you’re on a deadline, don’t make soup! That’s the lesson I’ve learned as once again I had an incident that ended in despair. The last time, I accidentally left the fridge door open all night—and ended up spoiling everything inside including a huge batch of soup I’d just made.

This time, I also destroyed an entire batch of freshly-made soup, albeit in a different way. Here’s how it went…




As you can see from the above photo, I decided to cook up some homemade “bone broth”, which is done by combining a big beef bone with chopped veggies, water, and various herbs and spices then simmering the whole thing for about 48 hours.  It was a lot of work, especially considering I had to go to a special butcher to get the bone, but I knew it would pay off in the end. Ah, the best laid plans…



After the first 24 hours, it was time to add some more spices to the mix, but as I reached into the cabinet, my head was off in the clouds so I wasn’t really paying attention, and I accidentally knocked over a big jar of bouillon cubes. As if in slow motion, the jar tumbled from the cabinet and struck the edge of my favorite glass serving bowl, shattering part of it to pieces, the largest of which then shot sideways and struck the edge of the crock pot, causing a big chip in its rim and a crack that ran all the way down the side.  

It happened so quickly and within such a small space that there was no way to know whether any of the broken glass from the bowl or shards from the chip had ended up in the soup or not. So after a brief period of denial followed by a pity party, I scrapped the entire thing. Final score? Mindy-0, trash can-1, including the soup, the broken serving dish, and the crock pot itself.


Insult to Injury


Later, I was washing the items I’d used in my broth-making venture—cutting board, utensils, etc.—and was once again lost in thought when a second calamity occurred…




I think this one was just a case of a worn out hose finally losing its grip rather than a result of anything I did. However, thanks to my absentminded state, it took a good 15 or 20 seconds before I even comprehended what was happening. In the photo, I’ve got the water barely turned on, just for demonstration purposes. But during that 15-20 second gap, the water was running hard enough to shoot straight up into the air in a giant arc, landing on the kitchen bar behind me—about a foot away from my open laptop! Talk about panic!!!

When I finally grasped the situation, I turned off the water, grabbed my laptop, and flipped it upside down.  Then I toweled it dry and left it upside down for the rest of the day. (Fortunately, I had a printed copy of the manuscript, so I was able to keep working even without the computer.) The next morning, prayers said and fingers crossed, I turned the machine right side up and tried it out. Praise the Lord, there were no residual problems. Big exhale, but boy, that was a close one!

Not Again


Whenever I have one of these incidents, I tell myself it won’t happen again, but inevitably it does. Maybe the next time I’m on a deadline, when things get really bad, I should considering hiring a babysitter—for myself. J

For now, I’m just going to put these incidents out of my mind, sit back, and enjoy the fact that I managed to get the manuscript done and in on time regardless. My mind is already gearing up for my next project, but hopefully I won’t have any disasters like this again—or at least not until the next deadline rolls around! 

Surely I’m not the only one who goes through this. What’s something dumb you’ve done when your mind was on something else?




Wednesday, November 1, 2017

A CFSH Redux: A Southern Belle

If you participated in the recent online Christian Fiction Scavenger Hunt, then you saw my post that was hosted by Ann Gabhart. I think it was a fun one, so for those who missed it, I’ve decided to re-post it here today. Enjoy!

What is my dog, Belle, doing, and why is she dressed like this? Keep reading to find out!

A SOUTHERN BELLE


Just because my latest book is a serious work of fiction doesn’t mean I can’t get a little silly now and then when sharing it with others. “Silly” is definitely the word for this video—though I’m hoping you’ll have as much fun watching it as I did making it!


The Story

A bit of background on the novel first… 


My Daughter's Legacy, co-written with Leslie Gould, is the third and final book in our Cousins of the Dove series.

• The novel features two heroines living in two different eras—one in the Civil War south of 1864 and one in the modern day—and their stories intertwine in unique and important ways.

• The heroine of the historical portion is Therese Jennings, a brave young woman who takes a stand against slavery despite the cost. When her widowed mother inherits a plantation, Therese flees to Civil War Richmond, where she works as a governess by day and tends to wounded soldiers at night.

• The heroine of the modern day portion is Therese’s great-great-great-granddaughter, Nicole Talbot, who is ready to take a stand of her own. After years of substance abuse, she’s finally gotten her life back on track. But now she needs to share a shocking secret, one that will cast doubt on her family's legacy and jeopardize all that she's gained.


The Movie

• The minute-and-a-half film, below, presents a reenactment of a brief excerpt from the historical portion of the story.

• Like I said, it’s pretty silly—and it doesn’t reflect the tone of the tale, which is far more dignified, I promise—but it is a lot of fun. The star of the movie is my dog, Belle, who plays the roles of both Therese and Mother. 

Therese
Mother

• As you watch, bear in mind that no animals were harmed in the making of this film. If you follow me on Facebook, where Belle is featured every Friday, you’ll know she’s a Therapy Dog and loves any activities—with or without costumes—that put her at the center of attention. (Watching the video, you can actually see how relaxed she is.) My daughter Emily was her “handler” throughout filming, and the only possible negative ramification from that process was that Belle may have earned a few too many dog treats for her good behavior.

So, drum roll please, with all of the above in mind, I hope you enjoy Belle’s reenactment of a brief scene from the historical portion of My Daughter's Legacy






To see more of Belle, follow me on Facebook, where I share a picture or video of her every Friday. Thanks for watching!

Do you have a beloved pet too? Tell us about him or her in the comments below.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

What’s in a Word: Hilarious Voice Dictation Errors


Everyone’s had their share of funny results while using voice dictation, but I’ve been dictating my books for years—long before Siri was even born—and I’ve kept a running list of my favorites along the way. Today I thought I’d share some of them with you.  Enjoy! (But be forewarned, several are a bit racy…)



What I said:        We had dinner at the Full Moon Buffet.
What it wrote:    We had dinner at the phlegm buffet.



What I said:        Lydia and Gordon are in the barn.
What it wrote:    Chlamydia and gonorrhea in the barn.









What I said:        The sky was a beautiful shade of purple pink
What it wrote:    This guy was a beautiful shade of purple pink

What I said:        Is this the home of Ben Rogers?
What it wrote:    Is this the home of Bin Laden?

What I said:        I could hear the sound of Travis’s breathing.
What it wrote:    I could hear the sound of Travis breeding.

What I said:        Whether my veins were coursing with venom or not
What it wrote:    Whether my veins were coursing with Vietnam

What I said:        Suck out the venom, don’t suck out the venom
What it wrote:    Suck out with a numb, don’t suck up to them

What I said:        Chitimacha Indians
What it wrote:    Sh*t and watch the Indians

What I said:        Fifi
What it wrote:    see feet  (I kept trying and got:)
defeat
TV thief
the beef
be PPP
PPTP

What I said:        “What have you got there? Sazeracs?”
What it wrote:    “What you dare? the senator asked?”

What I said:        I spotted three Amish children.
What it wrote:    I spotted three ominous children.









What I said:        numerous disasters that had befallen her
What it wrote:    bloomer disasters that had befallen her


What I said:        He's been charged with Simple Assault.
What it wrote:    He's been charged with Simple Salt. 

What I said:        Why was this guy staring like that? She wondered if it had something to do with her or if it was...
What it wrote:    Why was this guy staring like that? She wondered if it had something to do with her orifice...

What I said:        Sliding the last bite of food into her mouth, Didi chewed, swallowed, and dabbed at her lips with the cloth napkin.
What it wrote:    Sliding the last bite for food Intermountain, DeeDee Chu, swallowed, and dander lips with the goth pumpkin.

What I said:        saline poisoning
What it wrote:    Celine poisoning.

What I said:        clad in the spa’s signature white terrycloth robes.
What it wrote:    clad in the smallest signature quite hairy robes.

What I said:        Absently flipping through the rack
What it wrote:    Absolutely flipping through Iraq

What I said:        Did you say Moonflower?
What it wrote:    Just aim and fire

What I said:        The various locations
What it wrote:    And they are the Haitians

What I said:        Inhabiting the same space
What it wrote:    Inhabiting the same spaceship

What I said:        Marcus brought Beverly back to the room, saying, "Why don't you rest a bit.”
What it wrote:    Marcus brought Beverly back to the room, saying, "Why you arrested b*tch.”

What I said:        Greg reached out and placed a warm hand on Crystal’s shoulder.
What it wrote:    Greg reached out and placed a warm hand on pistols children.

What I said:        He grinned, twin dimples appearing in his cheeks.
What it wrote:    He grinned, twenty dimples appearing in his cheeks.

What I said:        In a way that gives her a little bit of peace
What it wrote:    and away the kisser a little bit of peeps


What I said:        She took a package of stew meat from the refrigerator.
What it wrote:    She took a package astutely from the refrigerator.

What I said:        I moved toward the center of the large rectangle of grass.
What it wrote:    I moved toward the center of the large rectangle of breast.



What I said:        I couldn’t wait to tell Natasha.
What it wrote:    I couldn’t wait to helm a tossup.


What I said:        Miriam nodded, thoroughly engrossed in his tale.
What it wrote:    Miriam nodded, thoroughly engrossed in his tail.

What I said:        Hadn't he forsaken them?
What it wrote:    Having tea for Satan and them?


What I said:        Nana met my gaze.
What it wrote:    Nana met high gays.

What I said:        She had done plenty.
What it wrote:    She's a dumb Plenti.  (Question: What the heck is a “Plenti”?)




What I said:        With Nana, you have to pick your battles.
What it wrote:    With bananas, you have to pick your battles.









I hope you’ve gotten a few laughs from these. I’ve saved my all-time favorite for last. It’s this one, from Beauty to Die For:

What I said:        Please, Lord, let that spa be any one except the Palm Grotto.
What it wrote:    Please, Lord, let that spawn beat anyone except the home depot.